My dog called Sex

[enthuzed]

Usually everyone who has a dog either calls him Rover or some such name, well I called mine Sex.
I don’t know what I was thinking at the time because Sex is a very embarrassing name.  But I started using that name and it stuck. 

One day I went to the council to get a dog licence for Sex.  The clerk asked me what I wanted; I told him I wanted a licence for Sex.  He said he would like one too.  When I said “But this is a dog:, he said he didn’t care what she looked like.  Then I said, “You don’t understand, I have had Sex since I was ten years old.”  He replied with a smile on his face “Well, you must have been a brave boy”.

When I decided to get married I told the minister that I wanted to have Sex at the wedding.  He told me to wait until after the ceremony.  I said, “But Sex has played a big part in my life and my lifestyle revolves around Sex”.  He said that he didn’t want to hear about my personal life and would not marry us in his church.  I told him that everyone coming to the wedding would enjoy having Sex there.  The next week we were married by a Justice of the Peace.  My family is permanently banned from the church.

My wife and I took the dog with us on our honeymoon.  When we checked into the motel I told the clerk that I wanted a special room for Sex.  The clerk said that every room in the motel is for sex.  Then I said, “You don’t understand, Sex keeps me awake all night”.  And the clerk rolled his eyes and said, “Me too”.

A few months ago I took Sex for a walk and he ran away from me.  I spent hours looking for that dog.  A policeman came and asked me what I was doing in a laneway at four in the morning, I replied that I was looking for Sex.  My case comes up next Thursday.

When my wife and I separated we went to court to fight for custody of the dog, and I remember saying, “Your Honour, I had Sex before I was married”.  And the Judge said, “Me too”.  When I told him that after I was married Sex had left me, the Clerk said, “That happened to me”.

Well, now I’ve been thrown in jail, been married then divorced, and have had more damn trouble with that dog than I ever could have imagined.  Why, just the other day when I went for my first session with a psychologist she asked me, “What seems to be the trouble?”.  I replied, “Well, Sex has died and left my life.  It’s like losing a best friend and I’m so lonely”.  The doctor looked at me and “Mister, you and I both know that Sex isn’t a man’s best friend, so go and get yourself A DOG”.