Earlier that morning the farmers daughter had inadvertantly left the gate to the yard open as she was preoccupied by her worry over a maths test set for that day. She hadn't studied for the test as she was still deeply distressed over her fathers recent heart attack. This, coupled with the added burden of household chores now delegated to her because her mother was out trying to get the west field prepared for sowing, had made her quite forgetful and distacted of late.
Whilst several chickens escaped, only one strayed so far that it actually encountered the road facing the farm. After crossing the road and gorging itself in a soybean crop, the chicken was struck by a furniture removalists van as it attempted to make its way home.
Several hours later the dead chicken was spotted by a Community Mental Health Worker who was doing his bi-weekly rural clinic run. The chicken, being a bantam caught the eye of the Mental Health worker, who was a keen trout fisherman.
"Cool" thought the mental health worker- "those feathers will make for excellent trout flys". He stopped and plucked a handful of the most irridescent blue, green and orange feathers and placed them in an envelope. He rolled himself a cigarette, sat on the trunk of his car and admired the clouds. "God, I love this job", he muttered to no one in particular.
and
A guy decides to buy a new ceiling fan, but the salesman says, "Well I'm all out of tunafish."
So the guy says louder, "I want a ceiling fan."
But the salesman says, "I told you, I'm all out of tunafish."
The guy frustrated, yells, "I WANT A CEILING FAN!"
The customer, now irate, realizes that the salesman was actually a mentally impaired vagrant who had wandered into the store.
Starion_Turbo wrote:Ok I need some explainations plz
Quote:
How many pancakes does it take to make a golfball?
Red, a motorcycle has no doors.
Quote:
Why did the plane crash...?
Because the pilot was tomato
can anyone explain these??
Also ill take u up on that ice coz I aint gonna sleep tonight till I get answers
They don't make sense, that's the point! It's a good way to baffle and confuse someone, and you can usually tell how intelligent they really are by their response.
Try...
A penguin walks into a bakery and asks the baker for a french stick of bread, the baker asks "white or brown?" the penguin replies, "it doesn't matter, I've got my bike outside"
Q. What do you do when you see a space man?
A. Park in it man!!
There's an Aggie, a Yankee, and a stoner stranded on a deserted island. A genie suddenly appears and grants each of them a wish. The Aggie says, "I wish I was in Hawaii surrounded by beautiful women." POOF!! He was granted his wish.
Next, the Yankee said, "I wish I was home surrounded by piles and piles of money!" POOF!! His wish was granted.
The stoners turn was next. So he looks around, realizes he is alone, and says with a bewildered look, "I wish my friends were back." POOF!!
A stoner walks into a pub and sees a sign hanging over the bar which reads:
---------------------------------------
| Cheese Sandwich: $1.50
| Chicken Sandwich: $2.50
| Hand Job: $10.00
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Checking his wallet for the necessary payment, he walks up to the bar and beckons to one of the three exceptionally-attractive blondes serving drinks to an eager-looking group of men.
"Yes?" she asks with a knowing smile, "May I help you?"
"I was wondering", whispers the man, "are you the one who gives the hand-jobs?"
"Yes", she purrs, "I am."
The man replies "Well wash your fucking hands, I want a cheese sandwich!"
A stoner walks into a 7-11 and says to the guy behind the counter, "Got any weed?" The man says, "No, we don't," so the stoner leaves.
The next day the stoner comes back and says, "got any weed?". The man behind the counter once again says, "No, I told you yesterday, we don't sell weed here," and with that the stoner leaves again.
So the stoner comes back the next day and says, "Hey, got any weed?" The man behind the counter says, "Look, asshole, I told you twice already we don't sell any fucking weed in here. If you come in here again and ask for weed I'm gonna nail your fucking feet to the floor you fucking burnout!" So the stoner leaves.
The next day the stoner comes back and says, "Hey, got any nails?" The man behind the counter says, "No." So the stoner says, "Got any weed?"
For all of you out there who've had to deal with an irate customer, this one is for you. An award should go to the Air Canada gate agent in Winnipeg for being smart and funny, while making her point, when confronted with a passenger who probably deserved to fly as cargo.
A crowded Air Canada flight was cancelled. A single agent was re-booking a long line of inconvenienced travelers. Suddenly an angry passenger pushed his way to the desk. He slapped his ticket on the counter and said, "I HAVE to be on this flight and it has to be FIRST CLASS."
The agent replied, "I am sorry, sir. I'll be happy to try to help you, but, I've got to help these folks first, and I'm sure we'll be able to work something out."
The passenger was unimpressed. He asked loudly, so that the passengers behind him could hear, "DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA WHO I AM?"
Without hesitating, the agent smiled and grabbed her public address microphone, "May I have your attention please, " she began, her voice heard clearly throughout the terminal. "We have a passenger here at Gate 14 WHO DOES NOT KNOW WHO HE IS. If anyone can help him find his identity, please come to Gate 14."
With the folks behind him in line laughing hysterically, the man glared at the Air Canada agent, gritted his teeth and swore "F*** You!".
Without flinching, she smiled and said, "I'm sorry sir, you'll have to get in line for that too!"
There are 3 types of people in this world:
1) Those who make things happen.
2) Those who watch things happen.
3) Those who wonder WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED?!
And now, for the infamous talking muffin joke:
Two muffins are baking in the oven. One turns to the other and says "I do say, it sure is hot in here!"
The other replies, "Holy crap, it's a talking muffin!"
BLONDE ON THE SUN
A Russian, an American, and a Blonde were talking one day.
The Russian said, "We were the first in space!"
The American said, "We were the first on the moon!"
The Blonde said, "So what? We're going to be the first on the sun!"
The Russian and the American looked at each other and shook their heads.
"You can't land on the sun, you idiot! You'll burn up!" said the Russian.
To which the Blonde replied, "We're not stupid, you know. We're going at night!"
A prirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel sticking out of his pants.
Bartender says to him, "You know there's a steering wheel sticking out of your pants?"
The Pirate replies, "Arrrrr, it's driving me nuts!"
