Todays Rant - enough is enough (MANWORLD!)

[Alspos]

Something to ponder over a skinny decaf/latte frapachino:

Please allow me to vent. I have had it. I've taken all I can stand and I can't stand no more. Every time my TV is on, all that can be seen is effeminate men prancing about, Redecorating houses and talking about foreign concepts like "style" and "feng shui." Heterosexual, homosexual, bisexual, transsexual, metrosexual, non-sexual; blue, green, and purple-sexual...

Real men of the world, stand up, scratch your arse, burp, and yell "ENOUGH!" I hereby announce the start of a new offensive in the culture Wars, the Retrosexual movement. "

The Code:

A Retrosexual DEALS with IT, be it a flat tyre, break-in into your home, or a natural disaster, you DEAL WITH IT.

A Retrosexual not only eats red meat, he often kills it himself. A Retrosexual doesn't worry about living to be 90. It's not how long you live, but how well. If you're 90 years old and still smoking cigars and drinking, I salute you. If you are still having sex, you are a God.

A Retrosexual does not use more hair or skin products than a woman does. Women have several supermarket aisles of stuff. Retrosexuals need deodorant (sometimes) and shaving gear - that's it!!

A Retrosexual does not dress like a homeboy with baggy pants that look like he's shat himself, or with a gay chain from pocket to pocket. If wearing a hat, wear it correctly - not on the side like a faggot. Blokes and necklaces (unless you are an Australian fast bowler) are out!


A Retrosexual should know how to properly kill stuff (or people) if need be.
This falls under the "Dealing with IT" portion of The Code.

A Retrosexual watches no TV show with "Queer" in the title.

A Retrosexual does not let neighbours screw up rooms in his house on national TV.

A Retrosexual should not give up excessive amounts of manliness for women.
Some is inevitable, but major reinvention of yourself will only lead to you becoming a handbag carrying little puss, and in the long run, she ain't worth it.

A Retrosexual is allowed to seek professional help for major mental stress such as drug/alcohol addiction, death of your entire family in a freak BBQ accident, favourite sports team being moved to a different city, favourite
dog expiring, etc. You are NOT allowed to see a shrink because Daddy didn't pay you enough attention. Daddy was busy DEALING WITH IT. When you screwed up, he DEALT with you.

A Retrosexual will have at least one outfit in his wardrobe designed to conceal himself from prey.

A Retrosexual knows how to tie a Windsor knot when wearing a tie – and ONLY a Windsor knot.

A Retrosexual should have at least one good wound he can brag about getting. This does not include males who have had cosmetic surgery.

A Retrosexual knows how to use a basic set of tools. If you can't hammer a nail, or drill a straight hole, practice in secret until you can or be rightfully ridiculed for the wuss you are.

A Retrosexual knows that owning a gun is not a sign that your are riddled with fear, guns are TOOLS and are often essential to DEAL WITH IT. Plus it's just plain fun to fire one off in the direction of those people or things that just need a little "wakin' up".

Crying. There are very few reasons that a Retrosexual may cry, and none of them have to do with TV commercials, movies, or soap operas. Sports teams are sometimes a reason to cry, but the preferred method of release is swearing or throwing the remote control. Some reasons a Retrosexual can cry include (but are not limited to) death of a loved one, death of a pet (fish do NOT count as pets in this case), loss of a major body part, or loss of major body part on your Holden Ute.


When a Retrosexual is on a crowded bus and/or a commuter train and a pregnant woman, heck, any woman gets on, that retrosexual stands up and offers his seat to that woman, then looks around at the other so-called men still in their seats with a disgusted "you rude pricks" look on his face.

A Retrosexual will have hobbies and habits his wife and mother do not understand, but that are essential to his manliness, in that they offset the acceptable manliness decline he suffers when married/engaged or in a serious healthy relationship - i.e., hunting, boxing, shot putting, shooting, cigars, car maintenance and drinking piss with the boys.

A Retrosexual knows how to sharpen his own knives and kitchen utensils.

A Retrosexual man can chop down a tree and make it land where he wants. Wherever it lands is where he bloody well wanted it to land. Except on his Ute--that would happen because of a "force of nature", and then the retrosexual man's options are to Cry, or to DEAL with IT, or do both.


A Retrosexual will give up his seat on a bus to not only any women but also any elderly person.

Retrosexual man doesn't need a contract -- a handshake is good enough.

A Retrosexual man doesn't immediately look to sue someone when he does something stupid and hurts himself. We understand that sometimes in the process of doing things we get hurt and we just DEAL WITH IT!

[scum]

amen brudder!

[NachoMan]

HERE HERE!

I noticed a few holden ute references in there Al.

Please tell me that you didn't write this. If so, why the hell are you prattling on about a holden ute. They are ridiculous cars, always have been, always will be!

Other than that though I concur with the abovementioned wholeheartedly!

[gav]

i believe the saying is "real men don't eat quiche" :D

[Jesusdroveawestfield]

You see, here's the deal. They think that if they put enough homosexuals on TV and bombard us with this kind of rubbish that we will start to accept it as just another lifestyle choice. Rubbish !!! It's wrong and it's destructive and there is no two ways about it. Society has a brilliant plan, they believe that if you run a propoganda campain long enough that eventually people believe it as being right or OK. How often have you been been called "homophobic" because you have said that being a homosexual is wrong ? The very word means that you are afraid of them. Afraid of them ? I sure as heck aren't afraid of them in fact I feel damn sorry for them. How many homosexuals wake up at 3.00am in the morning and think what a great lifestyle choice they made ? Do you have any idea about the suicide rate amongst homosexual men ? It's HUGE !
Don't believe me about the propoganda campain working ? If they ran a campain for 20 years saying that pedophelia was Ok then eventually us normal people would be condemned for being closed minded.

[WANTSOM]

Buddy you hit the nail on the head!!.

I AM A RETRO SEXUAL AND PROUD OF IT.

One thing I might add is that a retrosexual can say he loves his wife and/or GIRLfriend and is not ashamed, it is not a sign of gayness it a sign you are proud of those you love. And you love them like a man should - exactly how Al described it.

I was talking a while ago to a guy in the advertising industry, he was an account Manager. He said the proliferation of gay stuff on TV was driven by consumerism. The companies that advertise their products have done market research and found that - wait for it - 25% of the consumer population is gay!!! Simple marketing has meant that to not appeal or attract the "gay" market cuts a potential 25% of your customer base. Go figure.

We should all unite and buy some large 300 ha property with a river, dam, lake, build a racetrack, rallytrack, paintball area and a huge bloody BBQ/pool/entertainment area and call it "Manworld". It would have a gigantous workshop with every conceivable tool, spanner, drill etc and a massive beer freezer along the wall. Foxtel would play 24 hour sport and the local pizza shop would deliver free. Only men can go there.

Good on ya Al.

Greg

[TD05]

what's that about a bunch of gays instructing straight men how to get women

next thing you'll have lesbians teaching girls how ro pick up guys,, hello !!!!

isn't being gay the inability to function as a normal person sexually with the opposite sex, WTF would they know about it.....
again

[Jesusdroveawestfield]

Hey Greg, when does manworld open ? I want to go there rofl

[WANTSOM]

Daz,

In the words of the great Kramer - "in my mind, I'm already there".

Its the present I promised myself for when I've finally had enough of living in Sydney and all the crap that goes with it. And the beauty of Marie is that she would happily come with me and enjoy it all. :D

Cheers
Greg

[Project2501]

* Standing ovation *

Amen.

do homosexuals know they are advocating the extinction of the human race?

PS I have a suggestion for the ONLY exception to the men only rule at manworld: nubile bikini clad females serving non-lite beer and other alcoholic beverages!

cheers

tom.

[hoongirl]

Manworld sounds like alot of fun. I'll gatecrash it :D

I'll shave my head, dress in a flanny, drink beer, get all greasy working on my car, swear, spit, scratch my bits and even burp (after careful instruction and much practice).

Do you think I'll get found out? :o

[Project2501]

Even if you were to be found out, maybe you could hand us some alcoholic drinks and all will be fine :beer

:D

[TD05]

We should all unite and buy some large 300 ha property with a river, dam, lake, build a racetrack, rallytrack, paintball area and a huge bloody BBQ/pool/entertainment area and call it "Manworld". It would have a gigantous workshop with every conceivable tool, spanner, drill etc and a massive beer freezer along the wall. Foxtel would play 24 hour sport and the local pizza shop would deliver free. Only men can go there.

Good on ya Al.

Greg

you might be onto something here..hmmm :saywha

[Cookiemonster]

Do you think I'll get found out? :o

Only when you go to the loo.

[hoongirl]

Do you think I'll get found out? :o

Only when you go to the loo.

I'll stash some garden hose in my pocket