Police Joke

Oscar-the-Grouch · Post by **Oscar-the-Grouch** » Thu Dec 02, 2004 11:07 am

Enjoy
i thought it was pretty good !

While she was "flying" down the road yesterday (15 miles over the limit), a
woman passed over a bridge only to find a cop with a radar gun on the other side lying in wait.

The cop pulled her over, walked up to the car and with that classic
patronizing smirk we all know and love, asked, "What's your hurry?"

To which she replied, "I'm late for work."

"Oh yeah," said the cop, "you must have a very important job, what do you do?"

"I'm a rectum stretcher," she responded

The cop stammered, "A what? A rectum stretcher? And just what does a rectum stretcher do?"

"Well," she said, "I start by inserting one finger. Then, I work my way up
to two fingers, then three, then four, then with my whole hand. I work from
side to side, until I can get both hands inside. Then, I slowly but surely
stretch, until it's about 6 feet wide."

"And just what the hell do you do with a 6 foot asshole?" he asked.

"You dress it up in uniform, give him a radar gun and park him behind a bridge..."

Hope you guys had as good a laugh as I did !
Oscar

decoy · Post by **decoy** » Thu Dec 02, 2004 12:02 pm

rofl

reckon you'd get more then just the speeding fine if u tried that on a real cop?

Website · Post by **WidebodyWoody** » Thu Dec 02, 2004 2:19 pm

I thought she was going to say that she is late for an appointment with him and his friends sent her.

kiwistar · Post by **kiwistar** » Thu Dec 02, 2004 3:11 pm

Ha Ha Ha, very funny, but I swear, I am not an asshole

decoy · Post by **decoy** » Thu Dec 02, 2004 4:47 pm

kiwistar wrote:Ha Ha Ha, very funny, but I swear, I am not an asshole

rofl hey there are some nice cops! (so i've heard... bloody rumours)... havn't met one yet. well, not on the road. the ones in the bulidings are good tho. Even had one bitching with me about defects! lol

MelbStazz · Post by **MelbStazz** » Thu Dec 02, 2004 7:17 pm

luuurv da joke,
on the point about nice cops, i deal with alot of police, lucky me gets to wash their t.o.g hwy pursuit cars. Lots of lil gadgets inside.

Chris 83JA · Post by **Chris 83JA** » Thu Dec 02, 2004 10:55 pm

decoy wrote:
kiwistar wrote:Ha Ha Ha, very funny, but I swear, I am not an asshole
rofl hey there are some nice cops! (so i've heard... bloody rumours)... havn't met one yet. well, not on the road. the ones in the bulidings are good tho. Even had one bitching with me about defects! lol

That's funny, i've never met an un-nice cop on the road, always been nice and cheery to me, never been fined for anything

jrod82 · Post by **jrod82** » Fri Dec 03, 2004 5:13 am

Chris 83JA wrote:That's funny, i've never met an un-nice cop on the road, always been nice and cheery to me, never been fined for anything

You can't be driving fast enough

bigmoz · Post by **bigmoz** » Fri Dec 03, 2004 11:35 am

top stuff

big moz :pimp

Oscar-the-Grouch · Post by **Oscar-the-Grouch** » Sat Dec 04, 2004 9:41 am

Well I have to say NOT all cops are bad BY FAR Just the ones that give ME the tickets for doing 115 on a 55 highway zone :D

I was in the pool for a police department for the Miami Beach Police about 6 years ago and I did not make their final cut because they said that I failed the Psycological exam...

Come-on !
I am NOT a nut with a gun, Just because i threaten that 4 year old kid with my 9mm for riding his trycicle on the wrong side of the sidewalk does NOT make me a NUT-Job ! :D

Glad you guys enjoyed it !
Oscar

kiwistar · Post by **kiwistar** » Sat Dec 04, 2004 12:51 pm

Actually, come to think of it, some of the biggest asshole cops I have meet are the short ones. Damn inferiority complex.

Not all cops are assholes and some times the good ones have to be assholes to get the job done, you dont always feel good about doing the job.

But that doesnt change the fact that even we can laugh at ourselves, keep the cop joks coming - we are fair game, just like blondes and poofters.

jrod82 · Post by **jrod82** » Sun Dec 05, 2004 8:41 am

kiwistar wrote:Actually, come to think of it, some of the biggest asshole cops I have meet are the short ones. Damn inferiority complex.

You might be on to something there.. I got pulled over just outside of Napier once by this guy, he seemed like he was going to let me off (he got me at 116), until I stood up and got out of the staz to get my licence (it was in my bag in the boot), the guy was a good 10in shorter than me (I'm 6'4"). I thought there was a height restriction on cops to stop these disgrunted midgets from going nuts with the fine?

Defective · Post by **Defective** » Sun Dec 05, 2004 12:47 pm

pfft, here in nelson it dosnt matter what size the cop is, short or tall, fat or skinny, old or young, if your driving a non-standard car your gonna cop a fine. no exceptions.

its strange, i drove past a mufti the other day( i was in my dads V3000) doing about 70 in a 50 zone and he didnt even look at me... if i did that in my starion he would have jumped on me.

theres a lot to be said for driving a grandad spec' car....

TD05 · Post by **TD05** » Sun Dec 05, 2004 9:21 pm

question is did she get off?????

robert26t · Post by **robert26t** » Tue Dec 07, 2004 8:02 am

Oscar-the-Grouch wrote:Well I have to say NOT all cops are bad BY FAR Just the ones that give ME the tickets for doing 115 on a 55 highway zone :D

Umm.. is that 115 MPH.. your crazy, if i got caught doing that here i would be screwed!

Oscar-the-Grouch wrote: Come-on !
I am NOT a nut with a gun, Just because i threaten that 4 year old kid with my 9mm for riding his trycicle on the wrong side of the sidewalk does NOT make me a NUT-Job ! :D

HAHA!!. that will learn him!

Austarion

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