Austarion

the best one that wasnt there was


do you need a hand........

Woman- no


how bout some fingers

big moz :pimp

haha...

the sad thing is out off all of them i still cant pick up :x

*walks up to chick at work*

me: "Do you wanna play army"

Her *slaps*

well, she knows that one then :glare:

Bitch!!! LOL LOL rofl

You remind me of the office bloke (Dale from "The Castle") in the Wog Boy movie! LOL

chunkhead wrote:Bitch!!! LOL LOL rofl

You remind me of the office bloke (Dale from "The Castle") in the Wog Boy movie! LOL

haha!, that guy is a champ..

"Would the answer to this question be the same as if i had asked you to sleep with me?"

*this one doesnt work on blondes, they will get too confused.

He = Wanna go back to my place and make love together?
She = NO!!!
He = Well can we go back and I'll make love to you

This one is real and has been used on.... err... some less than attractive girls who thought they were OK (it was a long while ago when we were mostly young and pissed) -

Me to girl - hey, my mate over there is too shy to talk to you but he's been watching you for a while. Do you think he's good looking?
Girl to me - yeah he's kinda alright
Me to girl - Thats funny because he thinks you're fucking ugly!!!

Really dented their ego, usually about half a second before they tried to dent my head but was good fun while it lasted

lol you bastard, no wonder ToysRus had such a disturbed childhood.

My mum sor this and said it reminded her of the line me dad used on her when she was yunga. She was at a dance at the RsL and he came upto her and askd her for a root. She didnt wunt to get in an argument so said yes.

Heres some more. I think I’ve removed all the repeats but could be wrong

You know what would look good on you... Me!

Do you know the difference between a hamburger and a blow job? [No!] Do you want to do lunch?

Excuse me. I'm from the FBI, the Fine Body Investigators, and I'm going to have to ask you to assume the position

If your left leg was Thanksgiving and your right leg Christmas, can I visit you between the Holidays?

Wanna play carnival? You sit on my face and I guess how much you weigh

Do you want to see something swell?

Hey I'm looking for treasure, Can I look around your chest?

Is your name Summer? 'Cause you are as hot as hell.

Screw me if I'm wrong, but I could swear you were Julia Roberts.

Your Daddy must play the trumpet, cos he sure made me horny!

Did you fart, cause you blew me away.

Are your parents retarded, cause you sure are special.

My Love for you is like diarrhea... I can't hold it in.

Do you have a library card, cause I'd like to sign you out.

Is there a mirror in your pants? Because I can see myself in them.

If you and I were squirrels, I'd store my nuts in your hole.

You might not be the best looking girl here, but beauty is only a light switch away.

Your face reminds me of a spanner, every time I think of it my nuts tighten up.

Didn't anyone tell you that you wanted to sleep with me?!?! I thought you knew...

Hey Baby! I'd like to wrap your legs around my head and wear you like a feed bag!

Hey Baby! I'd like to use your thighs as earmuffs.

I'm gonna have sex with you tonight so, you might as well be there

Let's go to my place and do the things I'll tell everyone we did anyway

The only reason I would kick you out of bed would be to f**k you on the floor.

"Excuse me, Can I smell your pussy" (If she slaps his face") "Oh, it must be your feet then!"

"The secret word for the day is legs. Why dont we go to the toilets and spread the word?"

"I may not have gotten your virginity, but can I at least have the box it came in?"

"if i flip a coin whats the chance of me getting head"

"Just call me Fresh Up... cos i gotta be good for you".

"Ive lost my Phone number... can i borrow yours?"

"Am I in heaven? or has an angel fallen?"

Nice legs...what time do they open?

You've got 206 bones in your body, want one more?

I may not be the best looking guy in here, but I'm the only one talking to you.

I'm a bird watcher and I'm looking for a Big Breasted Bed Thrasher: have you seen one?

I'm fighting the urge to make you the happiest woman on earth tonight.

I wish you were a Pony Carousel outside Kmart, so I could ride you all day long for a quarter.

Oh, I'm sorry, I thought that was a Braille name tag.

I'd really like to see how you look when I'm naked.

Is that a ladder in your stockings or the stairway to heaven?

My name is (name)...remember that, you'll be screaming it later.

Do you believe in love at first sight or should I walk by again?

Hi, I'm Mr. Right. Someone said you were looking for me.

My friend wants to know if YOU think I'M cute.

Hi. The voices in my head told me to come over and talk to you.

My name isn't Elmo, but you can tickle me anytime you want to.

I know milk does a body good, but DAMN, how much have you been drinking?

Wanna come over for some pizza and sex? No? Why? Don't you like pizza?

Baby, I'm an American Express lover...you shouldn't go home without me.

(Lick finger and wipe on her shirt) Let's get you out of these wet clothes.

oh damn thats a lot of good stuff. I'll use one if I wanna get slapped, yelled at, or really shot down LOL

Can I smell ya c-unt?

"NO!"

Oh.. must be your feet then.

Go up to your prey or just for a laugh...

an say to her.... Have you ever kissed a elephant between the ears?

pull out your side pockets to your jeans/pants/shorts an say.

would you like too.... :beer

Hi, how would u like to go halves in a baby?

SLAP

Couple more:

That's a beautiful dress you're wearing. Can I talk you out of it?

Come here, sit on my lap and we'll talk about the first thing that pops up.


One story I'd like to share from my sordid past relating to a pick up line/situation:
I was shooting pool with a mate and a couple of girls we'd just met in a crowded pub one night and I had to take an absolutely impossible shot on the Black ball. One of them turns to me and says "You get that in and I'll take you home and f@#k you".
I wanted clarification as I found the comment amusing, "So if I get this in, you'll take me home and f@#k me?", to which she repeated her first statement.
I took this enormous shot as I was going the six pocket search and then as soon as I as took the shot I started laughing. I look over at her and she's pissing herself, which of course led me to do the same. When we both finally pull it together enough we scanned the table for the Black ball. It was in the pocket! Whilst we were laughing my mate intercepted the ball and slammed it into the pocket. Next thing I knew she was saying goodbye to her friends... :P

I like a woman that sticks to her word... :D

^^^^ fkn nice one bruvva! LOL

i just LOL 'd again

and again.. LOL